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Uh, yes, is Prince Bandar there? This is his buddy Jerry Jones...
“Jones. J-O-N-E-S. It’s an American name and it’s – ha-ha! – fairly well-known over here. Huh? No, I’m not a Jonas Brother. I own the Dallas Cowboys. The football team? The one with that big new stadium that’s not in Dallas? That’s right, the guys with the silver-and-blue star – just like he painted on his airplane.
“Yes. Jones. It’s long-distance, so could you hurry? I’m way over my minutes for this month. “Prince Bandar? How ya doin’? Whew! I thought that Arabian pit bull that answers the phone was never going to put me through! “Oh, this is still the pit bull?
“Well – ha-ha! – that’s a hoot! No! ‘Pit bull’ is a high compliment over here. I’m often called one myself! Michael Vick? Never heard of him – or thought about hirin’ him. We love our quarterback, and he loves animals! Sure, I’ll hold for his Excellency... “Bandy? Is it really you this time? That’s a relief. I thought I was going to have to leave a voice-mail with that trained camel that memorizes your messages and spits ‘em back! Ha-ha! “Oh, you own AT&T? Well, I guess you’ve got all the gadgets, then. Yeah that I-phone thingie is great. Sure, you can friend me if you want to... “This call? Well, I was just wonderin’ why you didn’t come to our big game Sunday night – what with you havin’ that half-million-dollar suite right next to mine and all... “Ramadan? Why, heck yes! You could stay in a Ramada Inn if you wanted, or even a Hyatt or a Hil– “Oh. Not the hotel? Shoot, that’s right, you’ve got a house over here. I knew that! Ha! So, are you talkin’ about those little noodles? Tell me you didn’t stay home just because you like those Ramadan Noodles! I can get you cases of ‘em! All flavors! Chicken, gar– “Oh, a holiday? I don’t get it. A holiday weekend’s a great time to jet over and watch some Cowboys football! “Wow. Really? Not even a cracker? You guys take your religious holidays pretty serious! I mean, we love Thanksgiving and Christmas, but we sure as heck watch some football after we’re done gorgin’ ourselves. “Well, okay, we’ll look for you later in the season. I just hate that you missed the home opener and all. We reopened the Ring of Honor, had ol’ George W. toss the coin! Everybody was here – over a hunnerd thousand of ‘em. People paid me $29 bucks just to stand and drink and watch it on a big screen! “Uh, the game? Well, you know, the Giants are pretty tough. “The score? Well, it was real close. You can read the details on your little I-Phone if you want. But hey – we’re 1-1 and we won the pre-season! “So, are you comin’ to the next game? We got the Panthers on the 28th. Monday night! You can be one of my rowdy friends! If your holiday’s over, come catch up on your eatin’! “The suite? Oh yeah, it’s done. The hot tub? No, we went with marble. Platinum seemed a little cold, although we did use it on the toilets. “Oh, and the commissioner requested that you not publicly call him the ‘Poobah of Pigskin’ anymore. And he’s technically not the ‘Emir of ESPN’ either – which raised some legal issues. “And, uh, also... ha-ha! We really need you to stop referring to the cheerleaders as the ‘Dancing Maidens’. Well, I know they’re cute, but... No, sir! “Pardon? How many camels did you say? Uh-huh. I’m listening... Bob Buckel is publisher of the Azle News. |
